Weavings is a monthly reflection that is the collective effort of the Wheaton Franciscan Covenant Companions and Sisters to provide spiritual nourishment that helps us feel God’s presence in daily living and invite an openness to God.
To Be Held…
Reflection by David Pfeifer, Covenant Companions
A bit over a year ago, I was diagnosed with an aneurysm affecting my ascending aorta. At that time, the recommendation of my doctors was to monitor annually with the hope that the aneurysm had more or less always been there and was stable.
The first annual screening indicated that the aneurysm had grown to the point that surgery either immediately or some time in the relatively near future was the advisable course of action. My initial response to this news was to choose the defer and monitor option, however, as I considered the possibility of a catastrophic failure and the implications of that for those who
love me, my view began to shift. As my doctor said, “You are as young as you will ever be, you have an experienced and capable surgeon available now to do the surgery who is contemplating retirement and you have insurance that will cover the surgery… what are you waiting for?” After more conversation with Joanne, I made the decision to proceed with the surgery, which was scheduled for July 8.
The procedure for repairing an aneurysm such as mine is several hours of open-heart surgery. The chest is opened, the heart is stopped, circulation and breathing is taken over by a machine, the damaged portion of the aorta is removed and replaced with a synthetic graft and then everything is put back together and restarted. It was a daunting prospect for me and anxiety-inducing for Joanne and our daughters. But, the risks of the surgery were minimal and manageable compared to the risks associated with doing nothing.
At first, I was very reluctant to share the information about my pending surgery with anyone. Generally, I like to present myself as a healthy person who enjoys hiking and biking, who works hard and gets things done. Telling other people about this significant health problem literally at the heart of who I am undercut my personal marketing strategy and the “brand” I had cultivated.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit is deeply experienced in interventions to overcome human pride. With Joanne’s help and encouragement, little by little, I began to open up to others, sharing at first with a few close friends. They helped crack me open even further, because they asked the entirely appropriate and necessary questions, like, “Do you think you should send a prayer request to the community?” and, “Would you like the anointing of the sick?”
Eventually, I was able to ask Father Tony for the anointing. My intent, was a discrete, private little blessing after Mass somewhere out of sight. However, this was not the intent of the Holy Spirit. Before Mass began, Father Tony walked over to the choir and asked if I would like to have the anointing during Mass. My initial internal response was an emphatic, “ARE YOU KIDDING!!!” I am a dyed in the wool introvert; the last place in the world I want to be is standing in front of the chapel and to be doing so from a place of seeking support was not compatible with my self-curated public persona.
But as I sat there in that moment, the path before me became undeniably clear. One of my favorite Bible stories is when Jesus invites Peter to step out of the boat and walk across the water in the midst of the storm (see Matthew 14:22-33). This was a walk on the water moment for me. I accepted the invitation and stepped forward for the anointing in front of the entire faith community. I closed my eyes as my faith family held me in their tender loving embrace, receiving the gift of grace freely offered in that moment, experiencing God’s love, not earned or owed but freely given in super abundance through God’s beloved people.
My surgery to repair my aneurysm was a complete success. God’s surgery to crack open my heart, remove at least a little of my pride and ground me in love continues to influence my life. My recovery from both continues, but is going so much better than I could ever have hoped. My gratitude to my faith family is beyond words.
May God give you peace!
Beautifully written Dave! Very healing of you to share your experience then and going forward! ❤️
Loved your story and your testament to trust in God and the intervention of the Holy Spirit. So glad you are well. Christmas blessings to you and yours.
A beautiful example of your deep abiding faith. Thank you for sharing. Blessings, Naomi
Dave, what a wonderful reflection. You were very transparent in what you shared. And you are an excellent writer.
You know I want and pray that only the best comes to you. It has been an awesome journey for you and Joanne and Rachel. I am blessed to have you as my cousin and share in your life!
Love you, Diane